Vayechi: Genesis 47:28–50:26
Summary:
In our Torah portion this week Jacob blesses his grandchildren Ephraim and Manasseh. A bit later in the portion, Jacob's twelve sons gather around his deathbed, and each receives an evaluation and a prediction of his future. Later, Joseph mourns his father's death. Jacob is buried in Hebron in the cave of the field of the Machpelah in the land of Canaan, together with Abraham. The Joseph narrative continues as he assures his concerned brothers that he has forgiven them and promises to care for them and their families. Just before he dies, Joseph then tells his brothers that God will return them to their homeland. Finally, the Children of Israel promise Joseph that they will take his bones with them when they leave Egypt.
Lesson:
When I was a child one of the lessons I learned loud and clear from my parents was…never lie, always tell the truth. And yet, we all know the proper response when your partner asks you “How do I look?” In this case, we’re permitted a little lie. We know that we’re never ever to say, “you don’t look so good!”
In our Torah portion this week, Joseph’s brothers break the rule my parents taught me. After Jacob’s death and burial in Hebron, Joseph and his brothers return to Egypt. The brothers are rightfully afraid. Maybe Joseph has been waiting for their father to die before taking revenge on them for all the wrong they’ve done to him. We learn that they send a message to him saying: “Before his death your father left this instruction: So shall you say to Joseph, ‘Forgive, I urge you, the offense and guilt of your brothers who treated you so harshly.’”
This message is quite strange. Nowhere in our text do we learn that Jacob actually said such a thing. In fact, Jacob didn’t even know what the brothers had done to Joseph earlier in the Torah. So, why did the brothers make up the message from Jacob? Why do the brothers lie?
Most commentators in our tradition agree that the brothers actually do lie to Joseph. They teach us when, according to Jewish tradition, it is permissible to lie, and when it is not.
Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel, in the first century, taught that peace was so important that it was permissible to lie for the purpose of promoting it. He justified his argument by using the example of Joseph and his brothers. “They lied about what their father had said to them in order to convince Joseph not to punish them but to accept them and live with them peacefully as his brothers.” Throughout our tradition this position is supported. It is clear that when the brothers altered the facts for the sake of peace, they did the right thing.
Other than our story about Joseph and his brothers, there are many examples in our texts when the truth is altered for the sake of peace. When God told Sarah she would bear a child, she laughed, thinking it would be impossible because, as she said: “Abraham is an old man.” But for the sake of peace, God lied to Abraham about Sarah’s response. Instead of sharing that Sarah had called Abraham an old man, God reports that Sarah said, “I am old.” The Talmud agrees that this is the correct path. “For the sake of family peace, even the Torah allows for misquotes or shaving the truth.” In the clearest of words, the Talmud states, “For the sake of peace, you can lie.”
And yet, lest you think Judaism gives us permission to lie whenever we like, we learn that this principle doesn’t hold in all situations. By the 13th century in Sefer Hassidim, we are taught about a person who comes to a lender for a loan. The lender does not want to provide the loan. In this case telling a lie for the sake of peace is forbidden. The lender must tell the truth. What is different here? We are taught that “telling a lie in the interest of peace only applies to cases that have already happened and which cannot be changed, but not to events that are in the future.”
So, when children or friends ask if it’s OK to lie, you can tell them that if they are faced with a situation that has already occurred, then, for the sake of peace, you can alter the memory of what took place, just as the brothers did in our Torah portion this week. Creating trust and caring among family members is more important than accurately retelling the facts of the past, especially when we know those facts will hurt others and divide the family. However, when dealing with others in business, in cases that have yet to take place, you must not lie.
Honesty remains a foundation of Jewish life. The prophet Zachariah states clearly, “Every person shall speak the truth with his or her neighbor.”